Acalliea Nichelle "Pyro Elf" Dean

Who is cuter: Bret or Jemaine?


JEMAINE. *swoon*

i'm having a weird day, so don't mind this babble. it might be very long and not make much sense.

a friend of mine, mike winans, died yesterday. he committed suicide in his home. his mother found him in the morning.

theresa, who is mike's mother, has always been friend with both of my parents. she works with my dad and they're a catholic family that go to olv, which is where my mom works.

everyone is devastated and shocked and in dismay. no one saw this coming.

i feel very all over the place because i immediately felt regret. regret for seeing him that one time in applebee's and not stopping to talk because i felt shy. regret for not actually getting together with him over x-mas, like i said that i would. regret for not trying to get a hold of him after he sent me distraught messages on facebook and not talking to him about these issues.

and then the inevitable sadness and sickening feeling. of understanding that since my dad is a nurse that mike was the first thing he dealt with at work. sickening to know a slice of how my dad feels. how could you go to a job where things like that happen? dealing with seeing a co-workers child dead by their own hands and at such a young age.

and then guilt, which is worse than regret. guilty for being alive after a very threatening situation. for not being able to tell mike that everything will be okay. guilty for being alive when someone so smart and so capable has to die in such an unfortunate way.

and then i got angry. angry at him. how could he do this? how could he leave this for his mother? how could he stop when he didn't give himself the chance? angry for being so selfish. angry for not understanding why he felt this way. angry because i didn't talk to him. angry i didn't talk him out of this. angry i wasn't there. angry no one was there. angry that he didn't think anyone could be there for him.

...

now i'm just confused. and sad. and hurt. and hopeful, i guess.

i'll see him again.


this funeral is going to be tough. please, to the universe, please hear me when i saw no more death for a little while. my soul is growing weary. these lessons are too fast too soon.

why is this happening to so many people my age that i graduated with?

so yeah.

nothing much to report other than eagle vs. shark is just about the cutest thing i've ever seen.

this is totally me and my brother.




...okay maybe not. ;)

okay, it's yet another video in a wonderful video streak i've got goin' here.


but betty white is the SHIT!!!! AAAHAHAHA!!!

owner of a lonely heart? on violin?

fuck yeah!



smooth criminal as well! :)

hooray for days off! now, if only my allergies would lighten up. i'm hoping the claritin helps. (even though it expired march of 07...hmm)

if you have like, 10 minutes to spare, watch this video. It's joanna newsom performing "sawdust and diamonds" live.

i'm not sure why, maybe it's because i'm my mother's daughter, but just watching her play almost makes me cry. it's such mastery.

i didn't even know it was possible to ROCK the harp.

around the 8:12 mark is where i start gettin' all goosebumpy.

truly a must see.

i mean it.


http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=349ffa2b

so i woke up this morning and realized i'm getting married in five days.

..uh...



whoa.

as if this week couldn't get any more awesome/crazy...


rage tried playing an seemingly impromtu show in st. paul only to have the cops cut the power on them!!!

end result = FUCKING AWESOME.



and only on day two of the rnc week in the cities. this is amazing! i can't wait to check out st. paul today.

someone just posted a comment on my flickr about me neutiquam erro tattoo.

he complimented me and said he thought the literal meaning was

"i am not wrong."


you know what's funny?  i might like that better...

new tattoo = oowwwww.....

pictures as soon as the swelling goes down.

right now i'm using frozen packs of meat so help with the ijustgotmyskinpeeled off pain, and it feels gross especially since both me and alex are reaching our one month mark of this new mostly vegetarian diet we've settled on which honestly hasn't been too bad. i'm really proud of alex fot trying it with me and actually enjoying himself.

anyway, i'm going to lie down and not think about how casey, caitlin and my mom are going to possibly kill me over my absolute favorite birthday present ever. they are beautiful.

so after changing my mind at least 100 times about this damn thing, i'm pretty sure i decided that this -




will be my freakin' wedding band. finally!

the best part is that the tip jar set up for me for two months at jimmy johns paid for it.

neat!!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Sargeant Regal

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Vanilla Rocket Dog

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal): Red Fox

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Nichelle Fargo

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Deaca

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink, add THE): The Green White Russian

7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): Dick Sherman (LOL)

8. STRIPPER NAME (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent): Rosy Curves, muahaha.

9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Olsen Orlando

11. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Halloween Bleeding Heart

12. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Raspberry Long John

13. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Strawberry Birch

OH MY GOD I MISS MY FUCKING COMPUTER.


that and it's cold.

really really cold.

demetrius is currently in a state of slumber that i cannot rouse him from.




or, my computer died.



...fuck.


i really really REALLY hope this is fixable, or i just might have to shoot my brains out. and i was serioulsly going to back everything up once i bought some fucking cd-rs. :(((((((((((((((((((((((

so it's been a grip of time since i touched my journal. maybe i was waiting for some positivity to return to my life. the last two years have been interesting afterall.

or i'm just lazy.

tomato, to-mah-toe.

so i figured an easy way to burn some time would be to turn this journal into my temporary..

WEDDING PLAN DUMP!!

and now, you all must suffer.

but since i don't feel like putting up everything today, i'll just show you how damned cute all my bridesmaid's will be.

this dress:


with these tights:

(hopefully. they're a bit on the spendy side.)

with these shoes!!


so far the most difficult to track down have been the purple ones. if anyone has any pointers on where to track these bitches down, i'd appreciate it! :D

also, the train tickets to portland are to be purchased soon. damn. i sure hope the 1200 is worth the bedroom car on a 37 hour trip....


and i started class this week. i'm feeling a might rusty, but i do say i might actually enjoy school once again this time around.

now if only i could get this sleeping schedule of mine to NOT be retarded.